A few years ago a colleague of mine attended a Conservative Garden Party on the south coast in search of new readers for our magazine.
‘I wish,’ she said to the local Chairman of the Conservative Party, ‘your members would read The Salisbury Review.’
‘My dear lady,’ replied the comfortable, avuncular figure in whose head the lights had long gone out, “Conservatives don’t read, they KNOW.”
Which is why we will be sending no MEPs to Brussels at the next European elections, but will be obeying their laws.
There are several names for this; ‘surrender’, ‘slavery’, subservience, vassaldom…..
We have come to this pass because many Conservatives prefer to have their thinking done for them by the Daily Telegraph. Which is why two years ago when the average conservative voter got up in the morning, he wasn’t thinking about Syria or civil partnerships for gays, but what an absolute bounder Boris Johnson was. He didn’t know why Johnson was a bounder, but two years ago all conservatives thought Johnson was a bounder. So he did too.
Conservatives don’t read they KNOW – don’t you know?
The reason Boris was thought to be a bounder was that Conservative Central office, egged on by the Treasury, had put the word about. They feared that Boris would not only lead a populist government in favour of Brexit, but he would do it with panache and humour, and even worse, succeed. And, unlike our confused conservative, the left recognised Boris as their most deadly enemy years ago which is why if Boris as much as goes to scratch his bottom in a corner, the BBC runs it as their headline on Today.
Following the grotesqueries at Chequers this last weekend, Tory high command is doing everything it can to prevent a leadership election, but if 48 letters go through to the 1922 committee a leadership contest there will be.
Contenders will be Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Ruth Davidson. Sajid Javid, and Rees Mogg. Tory High command favours Sajid Javid because of the Muslim vote, and if not him Ruth Davidson; ‘The lesbian with family values.’ Rees Mogg is a diversion on which Tory High Command intends the elderly to waste their votes. Johnson and Gove are equally competent in different ways, but secret remainer Gove has signalled he will sign the deed of surrender to Brussels.
Johnson did not resign immediately which is against him, but with the exception of David Davies neither did any of the other Brexiteers in the cabinet. which may indicate they are waiting Mrs May’s next move which, upon receiving the inevitable, ‘Non’ from M Barnier will be to hand over control of our services to the EU, making our surrender complete. She will then go on to consolidate Brussel’s grip on Britain until she goes down to a landslide defeat at the next election.
But hold on – Tories don’t read they KNOW. No sooner will the political waters close over the heads of the remaining Brexiteers than all will be forgiven and we will be hearing drivel from the grass roots about Vichy May’s staying power and her ‘pluck’.
This may be the time when real conservatives take out their books of stamps and pads of notepaper, nobody in power takes the slightest notice of e mails or tweets, and write in favour of Johnson.
Or perhaps you would prefer to wait until an EU commissioner takes over your local constituency ?