Oikland my Oikland

30th August 2019 2

Divorce is never at the drop of a hat. The final split comes after years of papering over the cracks, such that not only is a great sense of relief felt afterwards, but each half asks themselves why they persevered in a futile cause for so long. For the children, maybe. Or simply because the status quo seemed preferable to … [Read on]

The Arch Remainer of Canterbury

29th August 2019 12

The Archbishop of Canterbury is proposing to groups of MPs his intention to chair “citizens’ assemblies” to stop a no-deal departure from the EU. First question: who are the “citizens” who will make up these so-called “citizens’ assemblies”? Citizens – though, since the people of Britain are not French republicans, we call ourselves “subjects” – voted decisively to leave the … [Read on]

Channel 4 wokes up

29th August 2019 7

Channel 4 posted its annual report in June, revenues were up by £15m in 2018 and its digital audience had increased by a quarter. Strangely Channel 4 News viewing figures are down by almost a tenth, nine percent year on year. They blamed ‘Brexit fatigue,’ as many of us do. But there is probably a more obvious reason staring them … [Read on]

Post Brexit Cannibalism warns Department of Food & Waste

18th August 2019 10

Food shortages following a no deal Brexit The public is warned that following a no-deal Brexit, food may be in such short supply that outbreaks of cannibalism are likely Is your neighbour a cannibal ? Signs to watch out for. Excessively long thighbones in their dustbin Blood around the corners of a neigbour’s mouth on leaving home Unusual screams coming … [Read on]

Bullying antibiotics out of your GP

15th August 2019 9

The man stares rudely at me as if I don’t know my job. ‘But my ears and my throat are painful so I need antibiotics.’ Patiently, I explain that his ear drums both look normal. His throat and glands are fine too, that his multiple symptoms fit with a viral infection, so antibiotics wouldn’t help. In any case he’s already … [Read on]

‘Stand to attention when the teacher enters.’

15th August 2019 4

 ‘As you have utterly failed to unify these dark tones how are you now going to manage the half tone correctly?’ ‘What are these?’ She rasped. I tried to explain to the art course teacher that in trying to find the correct half tone I’d discovered a second colour which looked better. ‘So now you’ve got two of them?’ she … [Read on]

Have I Swallowed the wrong pill?

7th August 2019 18

I met someone on the bus who I know from my church. I was glad to see her, meeting people in the street and chatting is so different from my former life in London. Unfortunately, some of these conversations are all too predictable. ‘I’ve just been to the memorial gathering for Hiroshima,’ she breathed, barely audible with self-righteous satisfaction as … [Read on]

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