CV: Private or good grammar school. Oxbridge degree in PPE or Classics. The public pretend they don’t approve of this but realise there is no real alternative if they want a bright, well educated leader.
Marital Status: Married even if Lesbian, preferably with children. People still expect this as single, childless people are still considered odd.
Mental state: Must be ‘strong’ but at the same time prone to tearful breakdowns in public. Dry eyed just will not do! The Stiff Upper lip generation better not apply. Only the Queen, belonging as she does to the past, is allowed to remain emotionally controlled in public offering only a gloved hand and a wan smile. But even she has not escaped censure for lack of blubbing, cf. The death of Diana, when HMQ nearly toppled for not lowering a flag and weeping in public.
Speech: Do not be concise or too factual. Brevity is no longer popular; find an emotional theme and repeat it continuously. Find a victim group and be loquacious in your sympathy and desire to help in any way you can, without being specific as obviously you can’t. Regularly say, ‘My thoughts and prayers are with you.’ No one listening will have been inside a church since the unlikely event that they were baptised, but they still like to think of you kneeling by the bed every night as pious and cosy as Christopher Robin.
Do not be entertaining, or boring.
Never make jokes or ironic asides. As we now live in a largely American culture based on social media, they will not be understood and you will be trolled by those willing to kill you. But being dull can also be used against you so tread a fine line, somehow, between running through a field of wheat and a line of coke.
Take walking holidays in Switzerland:
The British public rarely waddles to the end of the street but still likes to see their leaders doing this. But don’t be away for too long, cf David Cameron. Modern leaders are supposed to be at their desk ready night & day with their box of double-ply Andrex tissues to face the next emergency.
Education: If you were educated before the 1980s think hard about applying for the job at all as you have probably no chance of understanding the requirements. The only suitable middle aged candidates now are vulgar populists cf. N. Farage & D. Trump, or cult leaders cf. Jim Jones of the famous ‘Jonestown massacre’ & J. Corbyn.
Enoch Powell once said, ‘All political careers end in tears.’ It’s no good crying when you discover that you needed your tears at the start of your career and in its middle, if they arrive too late to save you. On no account mention Enoch Powell.