1. In those days came the Prophet Jeremy, preaching in the wilderness of North Islington,
2. And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of Clem is at hand.
3 For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Benn, saying, The voice of one crying in Designer Warehouse, Prepare ye the way of Marx, make profits nought.
4. And the same Jeremy had his raiment of Gap, and a leathern girdle of T K Max about his loins; and his meat was Borough Market and wild muesli.
5.Then went out to him Bloomsbury, and all Camden, and all the region round about Dulwich,
6. And were baptised of him in Parliament Square, confessing their sins.
7. But when he saw many of the Harmans and Coopers come to his baptism, he said unto them, ‘O generation of viperettes, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come?’
8. Bring forth therefore votes meet for repentance:
9. And think not to say within yourselves, ‘We have Blair to our father: for I say unto you, that God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Koba of the Steppe.’
10. And now also the axe is laid unto the root of Blairism: therefore every tree which bringeth not forth 21000 votes is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
11. I indeed baptise you with Marx unto repentance. But he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with a VAT even unto 28%:
12. Whose fan is in his hand, and he will throughly purge his floor, and gather his wheat into HMRC; and he will burn up Amazon and Apple with unquenchable fire.
Mark 3 King James