Post Brexit Cannibalism warns Department of Food & Waste

Food shortages following a no deal Brexit

The public is warned that following a no-deal Brexit, food may be in such short supply that outbreaks of cannibalism are likely

Is your neighbour a cannibal ? Signs to watch out for.

  1. Excessively long thighbones in their dustbin
  2. Blood around the corners of a neigbour’s mouth on leaving home
  3. Unusual screams coming from next door.
  4. A chainsaw operating in the small hours?
  5. Have any of your friends or neigbours vanished recently?
  6. Are any of your children missing?
  7. Dentists to report patients with excessively long canines
  8. Has you neighbour recently built an outsize barbecue
  9. Unusually large meat pies on sale at your local market

Worried ?

Text ‘bones’ to anthropophagy 1122

Saw it, Save it, Freeze it

10 Comments on Post Brexit Cannibalism warns Department of Food & Waste

  1. tee hee. The real uproar will be if people start eating their pet dogs and cats. Then there’ll be trouble.
    The Spectator recently gave £28 billion for our EU food imports and £8 billion for our exports. Would France want to ruin EU producers and truckers by closing the port? (Probably, given their cool dispassionate approach to politics, but there are other North Sea entry points).
    We could eat the £8 billion of snails or whatever we export and make up the difference with American napalm-washed chicken. Or we could celebrate the coming 75th anniversary of 1945 by eating a bit less – they say Brits were healthier at the end of the war than they were at the start.

    • …and your maritime nation, the land of Drake, Grenville, Raleigh, Nelson and Long John Silver finally gets back its coastal waters too! The Eu will have to buy your fish – anything caught up to the half-way mark between the UK and the EU coast!

      In Asia, our coastal waters extend out 200 NM. Yours under the EU yoke: 200m?

  2. We were never so healthy as during the war and rationing of butter and sugar. We were encouraged to be self-sufficient and to learn to plant and sow. It’s supermarkets and plastics now – and food banks of tinned food for those who have no idea about how to make bread, or cook from scratch – to use up scraps instead of binning – to go and hand-pick fruit.

  3. This will probably be the only way to reduce the population back to sustainable levels. Obviously it will be necessary to give special protection to essential occupations (as in the War).

  4. I’m sure that Dominic Grievance, Ken – Brussels – Clark, and Lord Heseltine of Ghent would all choose a bottle of 2016 Chateau Sour-Grapes.

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