Who put the “mental” in “environmental”?

5th September 2019 11

For all their hysterical pretensions, the crazed environmentalists do not love our world: if they did, they would not so officiously and rudely refer to it as the planet. These people are no friends of the earth. They are attention-seeking narcissists who are not dying from anything in their apocalyptic catalogue of environmental poisons. They are terminally-ill nonetheless: dying of … [Read on]

All rise to clap Comrade Corbyn (Minimum 15 Mins)

5th September 2019 10

Someone in the street recently wanted me to open a direct debit for charity. He suddenly raised his hand in front of my face. ‘Well, don’t leave me hanging here,’ he said disconcerted.  He wanted me to strike his palm with my own. A kind of clapping for people with one arm, well he was collecting for the disabled. It’s … [Read on]

Oikland my Oikland

30th August 2019 2

Divorce is never at the drop of a hat. The final split comes after years of papering over the cracks, such that not only is a great sense of relief felt afterwards, but each half asks themselves why they persevered in a futile cause for so long. For the children, maybe. Or simply because the status quo seemed preferable to … [Read on]

The Arch Remainer of Canterbury

29th August 2019 11

The Archbishop of Canterbury is proposing to groups of MPs his intention to chair “citizens’ assemblies” to stop a no-deal departure from the EU. First question: who are the “citizens” who will make up these so-called “citizens’ assemblies”? Citizens – though, since the people of Britain are not French republicans, we call ourselves “subjects” – voted decisively to leave the … [Read on]

Channel 4 wokes up

29th August 2019 7

Channel 4 posted its annual report in June, revenues were up by £15m in 2018 and its digital audience had increased by a quarter. Strangely Channel 4 News viewing figures are down by almost a tenth, nine percent year on year. They blamed ‘Brexit fatigue,’ as many of us do. But there is probably a more obvious reason staring them … [Read on]

Post Brexit Cannibalism warns Department of Food & Waste

18th August 2019 10

Food shortages following a no deal Brexit The public is warned that following a no-deal Brexit, food may be in such short supply that outbreaks of cannibalism are likely Is your neighbour a cannibal ? Signs to watch out for. Excessively long thighbones in their dustbin Blood around the corners of a neigbour’s mouth on leaving home Unusual screams coming … [Read on]

Bullying antibiotics out of your GP

15th August 2019 8

The man stares rudely at me as if I don’t know my job. ‘But my ears and my throat are painful so I need antibiotics.’ Patiently, I explain that his ear drums both look normal. His throat and glands are fine too, that his multiple symptoms fit with a viral infection, so antibiotics wouldn’t help. In any case he’s already … [Read on]

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